Monday, November 12, 2007
News Flash!
Canadians = Jerks. According to an article in the Nov. 5, 2007 New Yorker, Canadians still club baby seals, skin them, and sell the pelts. It is illegal to watch this without government permission. Yes, Canadians are seal-clubbers, and they don't want you to know it. What other dirty secrets will come out of the Great White North? The super-secret "Beat up a Baby Celebration?" The seldom-reported "Punch a Bunny Festival?" We'll have to wait and see...
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3 comments:
i think it's noteworthy to mention that even having been there for the inception of this post, i broke into a disruptive laugh-cough in the library while reading this. "beat up a baby celebration"?!
Yes, it's a well concealed fact that we Canadians despise ALL things "cute" with a superlative passion. Other examples of this being "Kitten-in-a-Microwave Day" (celebrated the same day as your American Thanksgiving) and Edmonton's world-famous Puppy Stomping Festival (June 1-5). Still a Doubting Thomas? Here's graphic footage from the last time Canada went to war (smuggled out of the infamous Canadian Ministry of Cuteness Control in Ottawa). Warning: this is not for the sensitive or faint-of-heart, my dainty-loving American amigos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owo4f3QQBKc
I had heard whispers of the great "Smurfinian genocide" perpetrated by the Canadians, but never actual footage. You are a hero to humanity, Joseph. But where will you manage to find political asylum once the true weight of Canada's vengence is known?
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